I have revolved around the sun at least 30 times. A lot of good happened in my last decade: college degree, kickstart to a career, my husband, our two pups, and a 15-hour big move to the sunshine state (in about that order). But whatever 30 is to the world, it’s still a big question mark for me. I have a lot to figure out, and time is ticking in some cases.
There are these assumptions that once you hit 30, you know so much more than your younger self. You now know who you are, what makes you happy/unhappy, you do the dishes and make your bed, you’re married and have kids (or are at least ready to start), you know what you want to do in your career or decide to be a stay at home mom, you floss etc. I’ve heard these before, and I pulled a lot from this article on Thought Catalog.
Well, I can tell you that I still have dirty dishes in my sink, my bed is almost never made, and I certainly have no stinkin’ clue about kids.
With each passing year as an adult, I question starting a family. Jeremy and I really enjoy our time together, the ability to make decisions on a whim, traveling often, and generally just being selfish about our lifestyle. Maybe that doesn’t make me sound like your perception of a 30-year-old. Or maybe our 30ish thinking is just different than the rest of America. And I don’t know if anyone is truly “ready” to be a parent, so it’s not about waiting to ready. Maybe it’s more about knowing if there’s a void? If I feel like I’m missing out on the joy and tribulations of being a parent (which sometimes I do feel that way about the void), it’s only then should I consider starting a family. I love being a dog mom and that currently fills my responsibility quota and love for someone else precious, but I also don’t want to grow up being the crazy old aunt with too many dogs.
We’ve given ourselves a 3-5 year deadline to figure it out. And even then, if we’ve waited to long, then we’ll consider adoption. OR. If we’re so very happy and at peace, then we’ll stay childless.
The other assumption that grinds my gears is the amount of times I hear people claim they “know themselves better by 30.” I know that I like salmon over tilapia, skirts over pant suits, and the color blue over red (okay, okay, I’ve known that one since I have 5-years-old). But I don’t know where I want to live, or what creative hobbies will keep me inspired, or what more I can do to help the environment, or how to style my hair. Seriously, I’ve gone from great #hairgoals when I was a cheerleader to never knowing how to wash, treat, or style it to ensure its health and keep me from going insane with styling. Also, skincare regimens… Why is it so hard to find something that feels like it’s working and has a small amount of commitment. Why do I need to buy a seven million step solution?
Anyway, I digress.
On a call a couple nights after my birthday, my sister said, “Maybe it’s not the age, but really what you experience at that time.” Jeremy and I are doing things a little differently than the rest, and it may stay that way. The questions, challenges, and my perception of the world and how I handle it, I think are common with other American women my age, but I don’t “know” or have made any firm decisions. House? Kids? Career over family? Travel or save? Who knows!? I don’t. So, my goal for the next decade is to answer any questions with deadlines while keeping Frank Sinatra’s, “Did It My Way,” as our theme song. We’ll save and spend. We’ll work and work our creative sides. We’ll spoil our pups and continue to talk about children until it’s natural or a void. We’ll do it our way.